Lost Podcasts: Insensitive Jokes

These may not be PC, but funny is funny. In celebrating J.D.'s birthday, we sat around, shot the shit, told some jokes, had a few laughs, and played a few instruments. Funny is funny and The Hammer was in rare form.

Part 1 HERE

Part 2 HERE

Part 3 HERE

Audible Expletive!

No one's ever going to confuse us with competent rappers like Vanilla Ice or Skee-Lo, but I'm not gonna lie to you, the first song isn't NEARLY as atrocious as I thought it was going to be.

"Nuclear Waste For Your Hazmat" - HERE

And, if you made it this far, there's one more to follow. Not gonna lie to you, the background music REALLY gets in the way of the lyrics, which I think are awesome. We are Audible Expletive; Uncle Salty and DJ Roar-T comin' atcha (my apologies for not remembering his actual alias). Don't think you've heard the last of us!

"You Can't Handle The Verity" - HERE

Podcast 10 - Jakeskel & Stevebert At The Movies

Where's Podcast 9 you ask? Well, if I told you that, surely all time and space would come to an end.

As it stands, we lost Podcast 9. This one, however, is quite the doozy. Jake and I give our review of the movie "Legion". The world will never be the same.

Oh, and this is the first podcast with my brand new $60 microphone. It is tits and a quarter; you can actually hear people talking from across the room!

HERE

Podcast 8 - NFL Summit

Matt W. Roarty and I discuss all things NFL, recorded live BEFORE the NFL season started for 2009. Don't blame the podcast for one man's laziness. With a Rondell Safety Zak for free ...

Download HERE

Part I

Finger Lickin' Good
Welcome To The NFL Summit
The 3rd Guy In The Porno Movie
The Purple Elephant In The Room
Krieg To Skansi
Brettsy Ross
An Example Of This Groan
Matt's 'Favorite Dog' Analogy ...
Interrupting Matt's 'Favorite Dog' Analogy ...
Brett Favre Tingling Minnesota's Balls
It's Ultimate Conclusion
3000 yards, 28 tds, 20 interceptions, 12 games
11 games, 2100 yards, 18 tds, 21 interceptions

Part II

Let's Talk About The Rest of the NFC North!
Throwing a fucking parade for the Seahawks Sea-Fence
11 of Me Out There
Trufant Is My Boy
No More than 8 games for Kurt Warner - Matt's got 15
Breaking News On Weak Stream!
Really Go Fish

Part III

Steve Largent Interlude
10 Receivers On Pace To Beat Jerry Rice
Do I Have To Explain Trent Edwards To You?
That Guy's Gonna Catch A Lot of Balls In Prison
An applesauce for the Bears

Part IV

Predictions:

NFC East - M: NYG; S: Phi
NFC South - S: NO; M: Atl
NFC North - M: GB; S: Min
Go Check Out Jered Allen's Twitter
NFC West - S: Sea; M: SF

AFC North - S: Bal; M: Pit
Roethlisberger Sweating & Grunting
AFC East - M: NE; S: Bills!
AFC West - S: SD; M: SD
AFC South - M: Jax; S:

Creating Dead Air!
We Built This Hitting On Rob Johnson!

AFC Champs - M: NE; S:

AFC South - S: Indy

AFC Champs - S: Bal

NFC Champs - M: GB; S:

The Homer In Me vs. The Realist In Me
Arizona Is A Month I Love
Cheeze Whiz vs. Goudda
Nick Reed!
Romo Lost The Best Set Of Tits In His Life

Part V

Matt W. Roarty Watches Survivor
I follow Tim Hasselbeck's career very closely
My Rambling Is My Argument
Starting A Dead Fucking Animal At Running Back
She's A Stupid Bitch Who Died

NFC Champs - S: Phi

Over/Under - Westbrook 12 games played S: Over; Matt: Under; Safety: Exactly 12

Wild & Crazy Bets:

Winner of the Super Bowl Coin Toss - M: Green Bay Packers; S:
Next Packer Into Hall of Fame - M: Reggie White;
Next Seahawk Into Hall of Fame - S: Shaun Alexander?

The Tez isn't in it yet?
The Packer fan thinking of Walter Jones!

Shaun Alexander In - S: yes; M: no

Tiki Barber is a Joke
Ahman Green can suck my dick
Last Words
SSSC - Promenade
One Last Thing ...

Podcast 7 - The Weak Stream Acting Troupe

Entitled "Hostage Situation", starring J.D. Taylor as George, Jake as Snapper Carmichael, The Hammer as the Police Officers, Bunnie as Hostage 1, Lee Ann as Hostage 2, and Steven A. Taylor as Lenny.

Written, Directed, and Executive Produced by Steven A. Taylor. Sound Effects: The Hammer Inc. Associate Producers: J.D. Taylor, Jake & Lee Ann, and a Bunnie for free.

"Hostage Situation" Trivia:

- Gun cocking sounds produced by one of The Hammer's real guns

- Gun shooting sounds produced by those fireworks where you pull the string and little curly streamers shoot out.

- Any resemblance to real or fictional persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental

Read the original manuscript HERE

Listen to "Hostage Situation" HERE

Podcast 6 - A Short Play In One Act

Entitled "Three's A Crowd", starring J.D. Taylor as the character You, The Hammer as the Police Officer, Bunnie as the Wife, and Steven A. Taylor as the character Me.

Written, Directed, and Executive Produced by Steven A. Taylor. Produced by J.D. Taylor, The Hammer, and Bunnie. Director's Assistants: The Hammer & Bunnie. Key Grip: J.D. Taylor.

Read the original manuscript HERE

Listen to "Three's A Crowd" HERE

Podcast 5 - Storytelling

Jake and I create an epic, once-in-a-lifetime superhero story from scratch. With minimal commercial interruption, in three parts one part, the track listing:

Download HERE

Test Test Test
Sandpaper Hands Man
60 Grit vs. 120 Grit
That's Like Smooth Boobs
Smooth Things Out Against Their Will
Our Deck Is Not Sanded To My Smoothness Preferences!
NC-17 Comic Book
He Could Be A Sandpaper MAN
Gritted For Her Pleasure
Kirby's Dreamhouse
God's Not A Comic Book Guy!
Constant Air-Blast Man
I Like Flaming Man
Pew, Fire! Pew, Fire!
Hobbits Can Be Flamers Too
Frodo's Cockring
What About Hairy Man?
20 Inches Long - BOOM - Soulpatch
Radio Jazzhands
Radio Jazzhands With More Zazz
I Like Hairy Man
Your Gooch Is Like 10 Feet Long
When We Come Back - The Official Story: Harry Hairman Vs. Sandpaper Man

Commercial Break:

State Lottery Commercial - Rub A Winner Out
Lord Of The Rings Tampons

Back to the Show:

It Was A Dark & Stormy Night ...
How Can I Make The City ... Hairy For Everybody?
Dammit, they want their hair CUT!
Two Hours Later ...
How Can I Fight This Hairy Crime Lady Phenomenon?
I'm Getting Hairy EVERYWHERE!
A Fate Of Hairy Nipples vs. Maid MmmHAIRian
Getting It On With Chicks: Helping Sandpapermankind
Not Just Wood, But Personal Issues
In The End, We All Win: We're smooth where we want to be, we're hairy where we want to be
The Greatest Superhero Story Ever Invented
Some More Radio Jazzhands
More Radio Zazzhands
Outro: Rub One Out For Major Tom