Podcast 33 - Bloodsport is the Greatest Movie of All Time

The best movie, ever made, in the history of movies.  Also, let this be official:  my brother thinks - right now - that he could beat up Jean Claude Van Damme.  So, JCVD, if you're out there, and you're reading this, and you're listening to his jabs, I invite you to come to Tacoma, Washington, for a good ol' fashioned street brawl.  Prove my brother wrong!

In at exactly 19 minutes.  Also, go watch the Bloodsport Mentos commercial ...

HERE

Podcast 32 - Fantasy Football Primer

We banged out a quick 41-minute podcast in honor of my brother joining up for my fantasy football league this fall.  This is mostly for him, so he can go back and listen to it again in anticipation of the draft in September.  If you're not into football, it's probably not for you ...

HERE

Podcast 31 - The Return of Rondell Safety Zack!

Subtitled:  "We Are Waiting On A Pizza"

Where we sit around - after a night on the town - bullshittin' about:

• The Smashing Pumpkins
• YouTube videos
• Pornography
• The pronunciation of Gifs
• The Hard G
• Myles The Intern
• The Woes of the Seattle Mariners
• Things of Beauty
• Go To Bumbershoot (promoted)
• Orcas Island
• The Abrupt Ending (We Got Pizza!)

In under 18 minutes, you can't beat it!

HERE

Podcast 30 - The 2014 Academy Awards Brouhaha Roundup!

I like movies, I like talking about movies, I like writing about movies sometimes.  So, I got the usual suspects together to talk about the Oscar winners and losers and whatnot.

HERE

(Also, pay no mind to whatever happened to Podcast 29; it's a Stonecutters level secret not meant for the masses)

Podcast 28 - Super Bowl XLIX Preview

We powered through many, many, MANY Bud Lights to make this.  Also, I'm steadfast in my belief that Taylor Swift is a thousand times hotter than Katy Perry, resting bitchface notwithstanding ...

HERE

Podcast 27 - Reviewing Seahawks/Packers & Previewing Super Bowl XLIX

What better to discuss in depth the epic Seahawks/Packers NFC Championship Game than a 2-hour-plus epic podcast with a fan of the Packers from Green Bay, Wisconsin?  Matt and I delve deep, getting in all the nooks and crannies of everything football at this time of year.  If you've got the time, why not give a listen?

HERE

Podcast 26 - Seahawks vs. Packers NFC Championship Game Preview

Got the big preview, comin' atcha!  Got some Cantina Band in the background.

HERE

Podcast 25 - Seahawks Beat Panthers!

Instant drunken reaction after the Seahawks defeated the Panthers in the Divisional Round of the playoffs.

Download HERE.

Podcast 24 - Santa Comes To Town

We got another Weakstream Family Players busting out the acting chops in an immediate holiday classic!

As per usual, we do a first take with everyone doing their read-thru without having seen their lines beforehand (hilarity ensues).  Take one - HERE

Then, once we got it all set, we do our final draft - HERE

And, if you're into it, you can read along - HERE

Podcast 23 - The End Of The World (Part 2)

Once again, we did a first-time run-through with nobody else knowing their lines.  Good times on Take 1 - HERE

Then, we did it for reals.  The Final Take - HERE

This is part two of a longer zombie-type story.  You can listen to the first part HERE.

Podcast 22 - Denver vs Seattle Super Bowl Preview

It is what it sounds like.  We're talking Super Bowl XLVIII.

HERE

Podcast 21 - New Orleans @ Seattle, Divisional Round Playoffs Preview

Quickie, half-hour preview with J.D. and yours truly talking Seahawks playoffs.  Comin' atcha, just in time for the game later today!

HERE

Music:  Omar Rodriguez Lopez - "Old Money"

Podcast 20 - The End Of The World (Part 1)

The Weakstream Acting Troupe is back at it!

I wrote a little act of a play and we read it.  We recorded our initial read-through (without the other actors having a chance to read their lines beforehand), full of mistakes and directing notes.  Then, we did our official read-through.

So, I encourage you to listen to the official read-through first

HERE

And then, after you've got the story down, go ahead and listen to the one where we flub our lines and laugh through most of it.  The fuck-up one is funnier, but either way you can't lose.

Fuck-Up One HERE

By the by, The Hammer is - once again - in rare form, in both versions.

Words & Direction by Steven

Acting by Steven, J.D., & Hammer

Bro:  Steven
Man:  J.D.
Everyone else:  Hammer

Podcast 19 - Merry Fucking Christmas

To close out a super-inactive 2013 for podcasting, my brother and I got together after our Drinking Olympics and said some shit for 45 minutes.

The first 14-or-so minutes involved us drunkenly recapping our Drinking Olympics hijinks.  Here's the link to how to play the Horse Race game.  It's pretty fun.

The Horse Race

And, for a closer look, here is our Drinking Olympics Sheet Of Excellence:

Never Remember ...

The rest is looking back at 2013 and beyond:

• New Job
• Bedbugs
• Big shout-out to Devin's Christmas Techno
• Christmas-themed Whathaveyou
• It's December 2nd!  Santa doesn't come until Christmas Eve!
• Where do the teeth go?
• Sharks:  King of the Ocean
• More Devin Shout-Outs
• Our crappy Christmas tree
• Thanksgiving Carols
• The Taylor Swift Debate
• The Duck Dynasty Debate
• Superman Sucks
• (I actually posted this 16 days after Christmas Eve, but who's counting?)
• Talkin' Rams @ Seahawks, Week 17 Preview & Cardinals @ Seahawks, Week 16 Recap
• Conclusion

And, here's a look at our slanty Christmas tree:

Rotate it 90 degrees and it's WAY slantier ...

Background Music:  Christmas Techno

HERE

Podcast 18 - Steve, Matt & Kon Talk Sports

In advance, we would like to apologize for this being The Worst Podcast.  However, I'm inclined to think it just might be the best.  Either way, you're getting WAY more than you bargained for with this nearly two hour long showcase of the opinions and sports "knowledge" of three drunken jackasses.

Like our NFL Summit podcast way back in 2009 (!), we're getting into everything about the upcoming 2013 NFL season.  This was really supposed to be a yearly event, but we're idiots who can't seem to get our shit together.

Oh, and the Matt Roarty Soccer Minute doesn't exist.  We recorded it, but the program malfunctioned and now his elegant words on the subject are lost to the ether.  Enjoy!

Background Music:  Hip Hop

HERE

Podcast 17 - Steve Loves Movies

This night kinda got out of control, so to close things out, we re-loaded and I brought out the Leonard Maltin Game in an impromptu homage to the great Doug Loves Movies ...

HERE

Podcast 16 - Talk Show!

We've got Steven, J.D., and the Hammer comin' atcha in a late night talk show type setting.  Frequently inappropriate, the topics range from:

HERE

Podcast 15 - Beer Tasting with D-man

Long story short, my good friend D-man doesn't like beer.  So, I did my best to try to find him a beer that he would actually like.  It ... went a little weird.  This podcast took FOREVER to finish.  And, I'm more than a little annoying in this one.

Background Music:  Daft Punk & other techno

HERE

I'm taking this seriously!
As manly of a drink as you can find
Heavy On The Fruit
Poor burnt-out crackhouse
Your mom's half a beer
Mom Joke Clause
Boston, MA Geo-bomb
Somebody puked in my computer!
PhD in Beer School
Little Technical Difficulties

... 30 Minutes Later ...

Minor disagreement with his beer
Planning to puke
Syrup!
Mrs. Beersworth
This smells like urine
Syrup can't help this urine
I'm allergic to pussies who don't like beer! ... I get mean when I'm drunk
How dare D-man not trust me!

... Puking Minutes Later ...

And we're back!
The Worst Beer Drinker Ever
Flip Mike's
No one wants to play Flip Puke
D-man is down!
D-man snorted Tums

... More Puking Later ...

All right, we're back
I drank a shitload of beer
This would be, like, a 5-hour podcast
Cheese Taste Test
Drunken Cheese Podcast
The Least Interesting Man In The World
I'm not hungee right now
You're a bottle of toilet water!
I'm a cheap-ass bitch

D-man's Tums Story

D-man's favorite beer of the night:  Dos Equis
Bud Lime is a fucking abomination!

Beer Grades

Guiness:
Steve:  A+
D-man:  ??

Black Butte Porter:
Steve:  A+
D-man:  Worse than Guiness

Ninkas Oatmeal Stout:
Steve:  A+
D-man:  Better than Black Butte Porter

Newcastle:
Steve:  A+
D-man:  2nd to Worst 3rd to Worst

Men's Room Red:
Steve:  A
D-man:  Better than Newcastle

Fat Tire New Belgium:
Steve:  A
D-man:  ??

Arrogant Bastard:
Steve:  A
D-man:  Absolutely Horrible Grade, 2nd to Worst

Stella:
Steve:  C
D-man:  Near the Bottom

Dos Equis:
Steve:  A
D-man:  Probably could finish

Labatt Blue:
Steve:  B
D-man:  2nd Favoritest

Podcast 14 - Tradin' War Stories (Taylor Edition)

We're back! Back-to-back! And back-dated! How about that!

Again, these were cut off arbitrarily, so you're better off downloading all four parts and listening to them all in a row this is just one file. This one's only a little over a half hour, so it's not so oppressive.

Also, hey now, Hammer's back! Now I've got you hooked! The last 17 minutes are GOLD!

Background Music: Orbital

Click HERE

Huskies vs. Eastern Washington Analysis
Buncha Pieces Of Shit
Hammer Here!
Visiting, as families do.
Good Drunk Stories
We're like NO
A Hangover Story
Unce-unce. Unce-unce.
I have a nephew in France! He died of throat cancer!
Thanks Brian ... BITCH!
Not about tonight, and drunk.
Pours the beer down the back of a small child.
Boston is just a big piece of shit fuckin' city.
It's not the most flattering story in the world.
((Wait, I've heard this story before!!!))
Lift up the cushion like a toilet seat ...
Donnie Darko - Schnapps & Chocolate Syrup
I've never had a more delicious drink since!!!
I had to enjoy that when I woke up.
What's the opposite of wedding? Bachelor party!
Huuu, BOOM, Huuu, BOOM.
Sips, mom. A lot of sips.
Little Rodney Got Off Again!
How Our Camping Trip Was A Fucking Bitch-Ass
I might get myself a canoe.
Butler service
Hammer calls the shots
Mean-muggin' ass
Explaining Riffe Lake Campground
We go there and it fuckin' sucked. The end.
He was a fuckin' bitch.
I really don't care about politics.
When the left track starts ...
Goodbye Everyone!
Unce unce unce unce unce unce unce unce

Podcast 13 - Timebomb & Ice Pick Tell Totally Untrue Stories

It's been too long!!! Too God danged long. I promise I won't let a year go by again before my next post.

I'm not gonna lie to you, I had to split this one up into eight parts (each about eight minutes long) I figured out a way to put the whole thing up as one file. It's a little over an hour, so settle in. If you feel like skipping around, I highly recommend Part III the 16th through the 24th minutes. But, honestly, how could you NOT find two drunk fucks entertaining?

Also, FYI, it will probably be a more enjoyable listening experience if you just download all 8 parts and put them on your iTunes (or whatever music-listening device you have on your computer). I pretty much just cut them off at exactly eight minutes each, so we're cutting mid-word in some instances. I promise you I'm going to find a better way to do this eventually I figured out how to upload large files, so there you go.

Background Music: STS9

Click HERE

Minutes 0-8:

July something, 2011
Can you pornography everywhere?
I have a torture chamber in my basement
All right, Peter
What is your favorite movie of all time?
Best nudie scene in a movie ...
Masturbation central right there.

Minutes 8-16:

Brainwarped by the whathaveyou
Bees knees for me's
Pointless, gratuitous full-frontal nudity
The worst use of nudity for you in a movie ever.
The old creepy dead lady in a bathtub ... you could never jack off to that, ever!
Most movies I watch don't have old male nudity
Fuck God-damned Michael Bay!
Look, I have a robot as a friend.

Minutes 16-24:

We gotta get off robots.
Who would you rather have sex with: a 75 year old man or a dead supermodel who's been dead for 10 days?
You're completely sober and aware ...
Everyone you know is going to know what room you chose and who you chose to fuck.
If you can't come in a God-damn half hour, I don't know what's wrong with you.
Is it wrong that I'm contemplating the dead woman?
She'd be slightly more mushy ...
What if he's not expecting it ...
There's going to be shit somewhere.
I think you're gonna get a dick full of shit; well, I think you're gonna get a dick full of rotting corpse.
Break 3 fingers of your right hand, OR, your left forearm.
Both bones??? Jesus, you fuckin' psychopath!

Minutes 24-32:

I'd rather fuck the old man!
You're giving me a reason to go to the old man!
95 was 95.
You know what sucks? Apples.
A short apple story!
We're not talking about apples anymore.
What's your favorite vegetable?
A cucumber that turns into a pickle.
What's the worst color for a nipple, light or dark?
Can't stand the dark nipple, grosses me out.
A half-inch nipple or a half-inch clitoris.
When you were 12 years old, who was your hot chick?

Minutes 32-40:

What was the first alcoholic drink you had?
I stole a couple of Bud Lights
It's just breathing.
A bad egg or whatever.
They thought I had a massive problem ... Yeah, I don't really have a problem.
I feel pretty good, because I'm smokin' pot.
I pass out on the floor ...
Oh, let's fuck with Steve!
Blames me for having all the furniture in my room.

Minutes 40-48:

It makes me want to drink more to forget about it.
I pissed my pants! Nice, I've done that before.
I think my toilet's leaking, because I woke up and my pants are all wet.
It's best just to sleep on the floor.
Holy shit, I've only got one little window here!
It stank like shit and cologne, man!
It was really old crappy couch.
It fell through my pants!
I left a banana of shit there.
Some of the most forgiving people I've ever met in my life.

Minutes 48-56:

You gotta make it a point: take a shit before you go to bed, man.
((Actually, Brooklyn & 43rd, but I was close.))
You just used that as a toilet, didn't you?
He SAYS he thought he was dreaming; I don't believe him for a God damn second.
When you sit down, YOU should make sure the seat's down.
I feel that my friends are a bad influence on me.
I didn't shit myself or piss myself when I was living in New York!
It's not like they had a nice-ass couch!
The best night I've ever had.

Minutes 56-End:

A fruit/liquor combo
My fuckin' roommates totally forgot to pick me up.
Party bus will come & pick up underage drunks at parties.
I get nauseous when I try to drink.
That's like bona fide Nazi shit!
That's what happens when you bad things, children! You need to watch your manners!
I'm Christopher Walken ...
((The first half hour was actually pretty good, if I do say so myself))