Podcast 13 - Timebomb & Ice Pick Tell Totally Untrue Stories

It's been too long!!! Too God danged long. I promise I won't let a year go by again before my next post.

I'm not gonna lie to you, I had to split this one up into eight parts (each about eight minutes long) I figured out a way to put the whole thing up as one file. It's a little over an hour, so settle in. If you feel like skipping around, I highly recommend Part III the 16th through the 24th minutes. But, honestly, how could you NOT find two drunk fucks entertaining?

Also, FYI, it will probably be a more enjoyable listening experience if you just download all 8 parts and put them on your iTunes (or whatever music-listening device you have on your computer). I pretty much just cut them off at exactly eight minutes each, so we're cutting mid-word in some instances. I promise you I'm going to find a better way to do this eventually I figured out how to upload large files, so there you go.

Background Music: STS9

Click HERE

Minutes 0-8:

July something, 2011
Can you pornography everywhere?
I have a torture chamber in my basement
All right, Peter
What is your favorite movie of all time?
Best nudie scene in a movie ...
Masturbation central right there.

Minutes 8-16:

Brainwarped by the whathaveyou
Bees knees for me's
Pointless, gratuitous full-frontal nudity
The worst use of nudity for you in a movie ever.
The old creepy dead lady in a bathtub ... you could never jack off to that, ever!
Most movies I watch don't have old male nudity
Fuck God-damned Michael Bay!
Look, I have a robot as a friend.

Minutes 16-24:

We gotta get off robots.
Who would you rather have sex with: a 75 year old man or a dead supermodel who's been dead for 10 days?
You're completely sober and aware ...
Everyone you know is going to know what room you chose and who you chose to fuck.
If you can't come in a God-damn half hour, I don't know what's wrong with you.
Is it wrong that I'm contemplating the dead woman?
She'd be slightly more mushy ...
What if he's not expecting it ...
There's going to be shit somewhere.
I think you're gonna get a dick full of shit; well, I think you're gonna get a dick full of rotting corpse.
Break 3 fingers of your right hand, OR, your left forearm.
Both bones??? Jesus, you fuckin' psychopath!

Minutes 24-32:

I'd rather fuck the old man!
You're giving me a reason to go to the old man!
95 was 95.
You know what sucks? Apples.
A short apple story!
We're not talking about apples anymore.
What's your favorite vegetable?
A cucumber that turns into a pickle.
What's the worst color for a nipple, light or dark?
Can't stand the dark nipple, grosses me out.
A half-inch nipple or a half-inch clitoris.
When you were 12 years old, who was your hot chick?

Minutes 32-40:

What was the first alcoholic drink you had?
I stole a couple of Bud Lights
It's just breathing.
A bad egg or whatever.
They thought I had a massive problem ... Yeah, I don't really have a problem.
I feel pretty good, because I'm smokin' pot.
I pass out on the floor ...
Oh, let's fuck with Steve!
Blames me for having all the furniture in my room.

Minutes 40-48:

It makes me want to drink more to forget about it.
I pissed my pants! Nice, I've done that before.
I think my toilet's leaking, because I woke up and my pants are all wet.
It's best just to sleep on the floor.
Holy shit, I've only got one little window here!
It stank like shit and cologne, man!
It was really old crappy couch.
It fell through my pants!
I left a banana of shit there.
Some of the most forgiving people I've ever met in my life.

Minutes 48-56:

You gotta make it a point: take a shit before you go to bed, man.
((Actually, Brooklyn & 43rd, but I was close.))
You just used that as a toilet, didn't you?
He SAYS he thought he was dreaming; I don't believe him for a God damn second.
When you sit down, YOU should make sure the seat's down.
I feel that my friends are a bad influence on me.
I didn't shit myself or piss myself when I was living in New York!
It's not like they had a nice-ass couch!
The best night I've ever had.

Minutes 56-End:

A fruit/liquor combo
My fuckin' roommates totally forgot to pick me up.
Party bus will come & pick up underage drunks at parties.
I get nauseous when I try to drink.
That's like bona fide Nazi shit!
That's what happens when you bad things, children! You need to watch your manners!
I'm Christopher Walken ...
((The first half hour was actually pretty good, if I do say so myself))